Water wheels are a special kind of wheels which were made from wood as nuts, poplar, berries, and apricot, they were designed by Aramaic engineers in the fifth century to raise the level of water of the Aasei river, for drinking and irrigation. Each wheel has wooden boxes or pockets around the circumference which are filled up with water when the wheel is rotated and pushed by river water power, which was intend used for wheat milling and olive squeezing to extract oil. The water wheels are found only in Hama city because the valley river is lower than the ground city level by more than ten metres. In the past, there were 106 wheels in total, 25 inside the city while the rest were outside, but today, only 40 of them are left, and just 19 present within the city are still working. The people of Hama city named these wheels after family names as Kielania, Tawafra and Moaeadia, and they used them as landmarks and logo. Hama history is linked with the water wheels, and they even made a mosaic portrait of the water wheel, which is found in the Hama museum, as a unique portrait in the world.
Fateh Toumi
Hello Fateh Toumi,
BeantwoordenVerwijderenThank you for your contribution, it was nice to read about the linkage between water wheels and Hama city citizens. I would, however, go for a more attractive title. Due to your title, I thought your text would only involve water wheels and, to me, that is not very interesting because I already know what they are. But when I read your blog, I was pleasantly surprised!
I also liked your text structure. The way you first tell about what water wheels are and then going further about water wheels and Hama city citizens.
I have to say that the text was not always that clear, even a little confusing, and this mostly in the first part of your blog. I think maybe because you put a lot of information in one sentence.
I have also a couple of small remarks.
First sentence: I would replace “which were made from wood as” by “ which are made from different kinds of wood, such as” . It would be more clear to me if you had split up this sentence. For example, putting a dot after apricot.
Second sentence: which always goes with a comma, don’t forget! I would also replace “which was intend used for” by “which was intended to use for” or just drop “intend”.
Third sentence: I would just add the word “there” between “because” and “The valley river” to accentuate why the water wheels are only found in Hama city. That will make the sentence stronger.
Fourth sentence: I think it has to be “while the rest was outside”, but I’m not sure. I would also suggest to drop “while the rest were outside” because by saying there are 25 wheels in the city from a total of 106 wheels, you also say that the other wheels are somewhere else. That makes the sentence smaller, which is good.
Fifth sentence: “such as” instead of “as” to make it more clear.
Sixth sentence: I think it is beautifully written!
I hope these remarks are helpful.
Keep up the good work!
Kind regards,
Veronique Uytterhoeven
I second the excellent feedback by Veronique.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenSome grammar errors (such as intend-intended) hamper comprehension and the longer sentences lack good flow. To check, read your sentences outloud. If they are easy to read, then they will be easy to understand.
ODP